what's a mom to do...

baylen and brylen have started football, and they have practice 3 nights a week and games on saturdays. they are in boy heaven and so is my husband... heath is coaching and is pretending he can suit up with the boys and be back in the lights of our high school stadium listening to the crowd chant his name...remember, i said pretending... and as happy as i am for all three of the boys to have this time, i worry about pacen... the doctor said he would allow pacen to play contact sports at our descretion. he said that it was very evident the first few times we met with him how we felt about our son having a quality life and in no way did we feel like he needed to live in a bubble to protect his leg. if that be the case, we were ready to accept the outcome and amputate right then and there. but we also knew that as the boys got older, things like this would come up and we would have to deal with them the best we know. so we told pacen if he wanted to play, the doctor said he could, and thank you Jesus!! pacen decided on his own not to play. i am blessed to have a son that is aware of the danger that could come and is still fearful enough to decide not to do what his brothers are doing. however, this leaves him feeling disconnected from the rest of the boys in our family. so, what is a mother to do??? i want all of my children to feel like they fit in and are a part of the family dynamic and discussions. all pacen has EVER talked about was horses! he wants to grow up to be a vet, his love for animals is crazy big! he is not scared of them and has been able to walk up and touch some of the most non-approachable animals, it is the craziest thing i have ever seen! so when he heard this horse was for sale, he looked at me with these sweet eyes...

and how could i resist! besides, as a child i always wanted a horse and an easy bake oven, and my parents never let me have either, and being that i am still a little bitter, now is my chance, so we went down to look at the horse and ended up bringing him home! and tomorrow, i will go get my easy bake oven!!!

and now pacen is in heaven too! he rode all day sunday, and there is nothing that he talks about but this horse! he and heath just talk and talk about the horse and what kind of tack we need to get and where they are going to ride and they just left the house, just the two of them, to go to the land to figure out where they think we should build our barn, now they have something to "talk boy" about and bond through...

i have never seen him so happy and that makes my heart smile so so big!!